A Sex Life Game-Changer: Love Languages
Many talk about the importance of knowing your love language and its impact on your relationship. But have you tried incorporating you and your partner(s) love language in the bedroom? Understanding love languages and applying them to the bedroom can improve your sexual experiences and increase intimacy. Let’s familiarize ourselves with the 5 love languages:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
You can practice feeding each other’s love language to help with arousal before, during, and after sexual activities. Check out the examples below:
Words of Affirmation
Verbalize nice things about your partner. Also, leave encouraging notes for your partner, pick up a card with a loving message inside, and ask to hear about their day and then express your gratitude and appreciation for all that they do. For this love language, keep in mind that compliments never hurt. You can bring this into the bedroom as well. Sex talk is a great example. Use positive affirmations about how your partner looks, what they are doing, and how you enjoy being with them in those moments.
Acts of Service
Try cooking a meal or doing things that will take the load off of your partner mentally and physically. For this love language, romance is often put on the shoulders of the dominant partner. In reality, a person who has this love language would prefer to have things done for them. Try doing thing they will enjoy. Practice understanding what pleases them, such as favorite sexual positions, new games, or exploring various forms of pleasure.
Don’t stress about how much you spend. Try to focus on the intent behind the gift. The gift can be a surprise, like buying and wearing sexy outfits or introducing new sex toys or lubricants to the bedroom. Gifts can be sexual and non-sexual. However, sexual desire may increase due to feeling loved by the thoughtfulness of the gift.
Try setting time aside to just be with your partner, whether this is watching a movie, talking, or going out for a date. Remember, the goal here is to be mentally as well as physically present. Try to avoid seeming distracted (hint: limit phone time). It is a great idea to intentionally plan time with your partner. Setting aside time for date nights, whether this is a staycation or a night out of the house, could really help get your partner in the mood.
Try holding hands, cuddling, or even offering massages. The goal is to feel loved through intimate and non-intimate touch. Don’t skip out on giving hugs and showing affection. Speakers of this love language can be quite easy to please when thinking about sexual encounters. To do this, ensure there is plenty of kissing, touching, and don’t forget the cuddle session afterwards.
These are just examples! Feel free to add in your own ideas. Most importantly, be sure to talk with your partner about what they need and prefer. Love languages are an excellent tool to improve all of your relationships, but especially romantic ones. Don’t forget to have fun!
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Ashley TownesPhD, MPH, Sexual Health Researcher
Dr. Townes has experience working as a Community Health Educator and Disease Intervention Specialist in Cincinnati and the surrounding areas. She has worked on several initiatives related to the dissemination of national HIV prevention and care campaign materials tailored for African Americans, Hispanic/Latinx, and transgender women of color. Dr. Townes has taught collegiate-level Human Sexuality courses, served as an Epidemiologist at the Ohio Department of Health, and currently works as a sexual health researcher in Atlanta, GA.
Ashley’s research background includes work on the sexual experiences of African American/Black women accessing health information and utilizing sexual health services. In 2018, she received grant funding from the Patty Brisben Foundation for Women’s Sexual Health to translate sexual health research data into educational materials. Her career interests are aimed at providing quality sexual education and working towards health equity.