Why should I do it? What do I say? We got you covered.

We live in the 21st century and that means technology is always there seven days a week, 365 days a year. Why not make the most of it? You could be in a long-distance relationship, dealing with a hectic work schedule, or are just downstairs from your partner and wanting to add in more romance. It’s always a good time to start sexting. Here’s a guide for your risqué text messages.

If you’ve sent or received one, you might already know that sexting can give your relationship a boost, especially if you’re talking it up with someone you trust. People that sexted often were more satisfied with their relationships, a Drexel University study found. If your potential recipient’s down to sext, it can’t hurt to try!

Want to start with the hottest thing you can think of? Go for it! A spicy thought or compliment makes for a nice little surprise. And who doesn’t love a compliment? Just be sure to steer clear of anything that sounds like it came from a weird late-night video. It’s probably not super inspirational. Not sure what words to use? You have plenty of emoji options to let you partner know it’s on. Need some help? Check out this article.

If you’re not ready to take it to the hottest level, no worries. Like sex, starting with a little teasing and play is never a bad idea. If your recipient’s the creative type or at least picks up on subtleties, start with something hot vs hottest. Figuring out what works for you makes everything more fun.

“Find a specific language you feel comfortable with,” sex therapist Vanessa Marin told Refinery29. “If you’re not comfortable with being too explicit from the get-go, that’s okay—just start slow. I think the best way to get started is just by looking at examples.”

And lucky for you, we got ‘em right here!

  • I love when you ____.
    • An easy way to start is bringing up something specific and memorable. If kisses or touches in a certain spot drive you crazy, speak up!
  • Thinking about your ___ against my ____.
    • Try hitting your partner with this in response to “wyd?” The idea of your bodies close together? Pretty sexy. Plus, you can make this as mild or wild as you like.
  • When did you last think about me in a sexy way?
    • People like to give their thoughts, it’s just a fact. A sexy question gives your partner the opportunity to share and think about you. Win-win. (Psst: This one’s a fave from the Hot Date Night card game. You’re welcome.)
  • I need a ___ appointment. Any availabilities?
    • Fill in the blank with your fave part of your own body or your partner’s. Roleplay takes a little pressure off and gives the two of you room to get silly and sexy.
  • I’m excited thinking about tonight.
    • Ramp up the anticipation for the evening. Even better? Try this out before you’ve made plans to pique your partner’s curiosity and tease them with ideas on what you could do together.

Got some ideas? Good. Happy sexting!

Serena Clement

Serena Clement

Serena Clement (she/her/hers) is a Senior Writer at Pure Romance and an aficionado of all things sextech. As a queer BIPOC with a B.A. in English and Minor in Creative Writing, Serena is a fresh, no-nonsense voice in the world of sexuality and wellness. In and out of the office, her interests include crafting engaging copy, celebrating diversity, and up-and-coming sex technology. Her years-long background in both product development and copywriting gives her a unique lens for her career at Pure Romance. And, when not at work on upcoming products, Serena spends time scribbling flash fiction or cozying up on her couch with the latest RPG.