When you think fingering, you may think back to some of your first sexual experiences. Maybe it was with a fellow teen, in a dark basement, hoping the parents don’t walk in as you go from making out to under-the-clothes action to, finally, fingering. You may have fond memories of sneaking around and hoping you’re not caught. You may just be thinking, “ouch.” First fingering experiences tend to be fast-paced, jerky, and without attention to detail. But that’s not how it should be.

Fingers are a great tool, so why not use them in all aspects of life, especially in the bedroom. While fingering can refer to any form of genital touching, in this blog we will use it to refer to digital vaginal stimulation. If you want to up your fingering game (or your partner’s), here are our top tips.

Know your anatomy

80% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Therefore, it’s helpful to know exactly where and what the clitoris is before we begin. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just the spot found over the urethral opening. We go into all the detail in this blog, but what you need to know is that the clitoris is 10 centimeters long and it extends into the tissue on both sides of the vulva. Everyone is different! Some will like external stimulation; some will like internal stimulation. Fingering is a great way to explore what makes you or your partner orgasmic.

Use a lubricant

Yes, the vulva naturally lubricates itself. But make the experience even better by adding a lubricant into the fun. Science has shown it increases sexual pleasure, which is something we all want. We recommend a water-based lubricant that matches your partner’s natural vaginal moisture. The body’s natural lubrication can change based on things like hydration, hormones, medication, and stress, so get some extra help!

Clean those fingernails

Nothing can bring intimacy to a screeching halt like unclean hands and long fingernails. Before you start, wash your hands, and maybe give yourself a manicure. This will keep you from accidentally spreading unwanted bacteria or even cutting your partner.

Take it slow

You wouldn’t start a marathon without warming up first, so why would you just dive right into sex? The vulva needs sensual and slow stimulation. In fact, studies show that it can take 20 minutes of stimulation for a woman to orgasm. Explore the labia with gentle strokes and circles. The key to building up stimulation is keeping up your rhythm. If you’re getting a lot of reaction from your partner, you’re on the right track. Keep going, unless your partner asks for you to change it up. If you find your hand getting tired, ask your partner if they want to switch it up with a clitoral vibrator.

Knock before entering

Before slipping a finger inside, ask your partner if that’s what they want. Start with one and then possibly add another. Use a circular motion inside the vagina that will stimulate the sensitive area at the opening of the vagina. Stimulate what’s commonly known as the g-spot, which is found two-three inches inside the vaginal wall, and use the “come here” motion using gentle, firm pressure. You don’t have to keep your fingers inside the vagina. You can switch it up with external clitoral stimulation.

Stimulate multiple areas

You have more than one hand. Use both! Massage other erogenous zones, like the nipples. Kiss them and dirty talk to them to increase sensation and arousal. Add in vibration of any kind or enhancement creams to level up the stimulation.

Everyone is different, so make sure you’re paying attention to your partner’s bodily cues. Also, don’t be afraid to ask what they like. If you feel like fingering isn’t your forte, change it up each time and find what really turns your partner on. Just go low and slow and find your rhythm!

Tori Tromblay

Tori Tromblay

Special Projects Producer
Tori Tromblay (she/her/hers) is a book enthuisiast, cat lover, and Cincinnati native. She graduated from Ohio University with a degree in journalism. After traveling to New York, D.C., London, and Tulsa, she settled back home, where she lives with her husband and two cats. She has worked for Pure Romance for two years and loves to learn and teach about sex education.