Tantric sex. You hear that phrase and immediately think “that sounds out of my wheelhouse.” But, it doesn’t have to be! It may sound like magic and you may wonder how people are having more fulfilling sex after undertaking this practice. But it is possible. You can start small… before going big and seeing all the benefits that come with adding some tantra to your sex life. In fact, tantra isn’t even all about sex. It’s about connection. We talked with certified sex therapist Renée Burwell on Instagram live about three methods of tantric sex. See below for her advice and amazing tips!
What is tantric sex?
If you’re nervous about the mystery and magic around tantric sex, Burwell says, “Tantric, in general, is about an exchange in energies. If you really want to have good sex, know what your energy is, what your partner’s energy is, and bring it to the table. Learn how to express that energy through many different mediums.”
In basic terms, tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations. The aim is to move sexual energy throughout the body for healing, transformation, and enlightenment. In Sanskrit, tantra means loom, weave, or warp.
If you want to learn more about the history, positions, and benefits, check out this blog from a certified tantra educator. But let’s get back to Burwell, who breaks down three different types of tantra: white, red, and black.
White tantra can be done alone, but it can also be done with someone you trust or feel intimate with. “It’s really about like pushing the ego, doing all these exercises, change breathing where you’re really trying to get past your ego and experience a bliss from within,” Burwell says when describing white tantra.
Remember, you’re focusing internally. Burwell recommends chanting to bring yourself into the present moment and test your ego. This will push your individual limits. The more you practice, the more you and your partner’s energy will coincide and you’ll feel more connected… emotionally and physically.
When you think tantric sex, red tantra is the one that most likely comes to mind. Burwell says, “It’s really about creating a scene. Really connect to your breath and all the senses that are happening within your body and your experiences. Be fully present.”
Red tantra definitely has more to do with sensuality and sexuality. Now, you’re focusing on connection, specifically with your clitoris or certain aspects of the penis. This is a great practice to add lubricants and enhancements to increase that connection. Test out the different lubricants and experience the sensations they give you.
Here is where you’re going take red tantra, but go to the next level. “You’re probably going to be seeing people push strong physical limits,” Burwell says.
Black tantra is understood as more mystical than the other two. It is often referred to as “black magic.” People who practice this focus on the power of the body and mind and envision certain desires during orgasm that you want to manifest in real life. This is often practiced in secret.
Take a deep breath in and hold it. Then you hold the anus and squeeze all the reproductive organs, like you’re doing a kegel (If you want more info on how, click here). Hold that energy with your eyes closed. Then release the energy from the base of the spine when you exhale. Do this three times.
Sit back-to-back with your partner and match each other’s breath. It will be easier to start this with a short time period, like three minutes. See if you can get to 30 minutes. Pay attention to see if your breath and heart sync.
Another option is mirroring activities. Put your hands out and be the guide as your partner mirrors and follows with their own hands.
If you feel like your relationship is becoming mundane or want to start strong in a new relationship, tantric sex can be the solution for you. If you want more information before you begin, Burwell recommends checking out the book “Urban Tantra.” Start your journey today!