With more and more people referencing strap-on sex on social media and in mainstream movies (cue Deadpool), the idea of experimenting may have awakened your curiosity.
And for a good reason! Strap-on dildos and vibrators can help people explore new ways to tap into their sexual power, experiment with role reversal (like pegging) if they’re generally the receiver or “bottom” during partnered sex, experience affirmation in their gender identity and expression, play with fetish fantasies, or penetrate their partner(s) despite experiencing erectile dysfunction. The list goes on and on. Strap-ons are for everyone, regardless of sexual or gender identity.
Whatever your reason for wanting to try out a strap-on, we’ve got an honest guide to making the process feel less intimidating.
The Basics: Getting Familiar with Equipment
First things first, you might be wondering what is a strap-on? A strap-on is a wearable dildo or vibrator that attaches to a harness, a pair of underwear or briefs, or an anal or vaginal plug (a ”strapless” strap-on). Let’s go over the essential equipment:
Harnesses: Harnesses have adjustable straps that can be tightened to fit snugly on different body parts (often your lower hips and/or thighs) and an O-ring that keeps the toy securely in place.
Strap-on underwear or briefs: Many types of strap-on underwear and briefs are similar to traditional undies. Like the harness, they also have an O-ring at the front to attach a toy. Some are crotchless or have cheeky cutouts for easy genital or anal access. For wearers with penises, crotchless options are helpful for comfortably positioning the penis and balls through the opening.
Strapless strap-ons: With a strapless strap-on, the wearer inserts the smaller end of a double-ended dildo or vibrator into themselves vaginally or anally, offering dual stimulation when used with a partner. No harness or clothing needed!
Dildos: Some strap-ons come with a built-in dildo, others have removable ones that can be traded out to meet your preferences, and some require you to purchase a one separately. Either way, consider the materials, shapes, sizes, colors, textures, and sensations you and your partner(s) prefer when selecting the toy.
If the strap-on will be worn by a person with a penis, look for hollow dildos that allow the penis to be comfortably inserted inside. The girth of a hollow toy should be based on whether the person with a penis will be flaccid or erect when wearing it.
Some strap-ons come with multiple O-rings that you can trade in and out, while others might only accommodate one toy size. If you plan to purchase your dildo separately, double-check the sizing of the O-ring first to ensure sure it will fit properly.
Ultimately, choosing which strap-on is best for you or your partner(s) is entirely personal and dependent on your desires and preferences. If the strap-on will be primarily used for partnered sex and one partner will primarily be the receiver, they might be the person to choose the toy themselves, while the wearer might choose the harness or briefs. The wearer might also want to have input on the color and appearance of the toy to ensure it aligns with their gender identity and expression. The receiver might decide on the texture and material. Keep open and equitable communication at the forefront of your decision-making, so everyone is comfortable and excited.
And strap-ons aren’t just for penetrative sex. They’re not even just for sex. They can be used for solo play, simulating oral sex, hand jobs, wearing around the house or publicly under clothes for a confidence boost, and any other consensual way that fulfills your fantasies! So, take your time when shopping for your first strap-on to really explore what you like and find what feels good.
Gaining Strap-on Confidence
One of the most common worries I hear from folks after they’ve purchased their first strap-on is, “what if I don’t know what I’m doing when I use it?!” I hear you and empathize. Putting it on, let alone using it with a partner, can feel daunting. After all, maneuvering something attached to your body that you can’t technically feel is a bit of a learning curve (no pun intended). That’s why I can’t stress enough how crucial it is to take some time to get familiar and comfortable with your strap-on so it feels more like an extension of yourself.
The first time you try your strap-on, put it on privately, if possible, to give yourself time and space to explore and play. Practice getting it on, adjusting it to your comfort level, and getting it off a few times to build confidence when using it with your partner(s). You might even wear your strap-on around your house, in the shower, or when you’re hanging out alone. Not only can this help you get used to how it looks and feels but embracing a new piece of your erotic self feels powerful.
If you plan to use your strap-on with your partner(s), practicing thrusting and grinding at different speeds and angles can help you find your rhythm. And before you laugh, remember how you may have practiced kissing on your hand or giving oral sex with food? Well, this is no different! Seriously, there’s no shame in practicing on some pillows or your couch cushions. And if it takes some time to get used to, there’s no shame in that either. Setting the mood with your favorite sexy playlist or dimming the lights can keep you out of your head and in the zone while you experiment with your hip action.
If you need some inspiration, don’t be afraid to search for ethical porn with strap-ons. I’m not suggesting you need to emulate someone else, this is your unique experience. I simply recognize that some of us (myself included!) are visual learners, so watching others can spark ideas for maneuvering your strap-on and possible positions.
Tips for Partner Play
Ready to try your strap-on with your partner(s)? Here are a few tips to get started:
Communicate with your partner(s): When using a strap-on, the wearer won’t feel the same sensations as the receiver. Checking in with your partner(s) during and after sex can help you adjust positions, angles, and speeds to what feels great for everyone. Plus, strapping can feel vulnerable for the wearer and receiver for the first time. Debriefing afterward on what went well, how you felt, and what could be done differently builds trust and extends feelings of safety and support.
Start slow: Positions where your partner(s) straddles you or can back up onto the strap-on are excellent for starting out. These positions allow your partner(s) to control the depth and speed of penetration and might feel less intimidating as you get used to maneuvering your hips. If you find yourself struggling to locate your partner’s vagina or anus with the strap-on, use your fingers while you guide it inside.
Lube it up: Lubricant is your friend! It’ll help reduce the friction of the strap-on, making the experience more comfortable for the wearer and receiver. I always recommend water-based lube as a good starting point because it works well with all sex toy materials and won’t cause them to deteriorate.
Keep it clean: Like any sex toy, keeping your strap-on clean helps prevent bacteria from collecting. Use a toy cleanerto sanitize your dildo or strapless strap-on between uses. To clean your harness or underwear/briefs, check the instructions on the tag to determine if it needs machine or hand washing.
Be kind: Finally, be kind to yourself! Using a strap-on takes practice and patience when you’re first starting. Pretty soon, you’ll find your groove and be strapping confidently.
