Get Back to You

Having a baby and raising children is daunting. It can take time to get formula ready or be awake around the clock for on-demand breastfeeding, so it’s not uncommon for mothers to feel like they are drowning in childcare. No one teaches us how to be good to ourselves. It’s important to take some time away from the kids to revitalize mind, body, and spirit! Plan time alone or with your friends—having 30 minutes to yourself each day helps you revitalize.

Get in Touch With Your Body

After childbirth, your body has changed. Your breasts may be less than perky from breast feeding, fatigue may be unbearable, and the crying of your baby may even make your breasts leak milk. Not to mention, your breasts may be sore and achy—not exactly ideal for an exciting sexual experience. Listen to your body. Sleep when fatigued and relax when you’re stressed out. Don’t isolate yourself; get help from family and friends.

Get Sensual

Despite changes and occasional discomfort, understanding the changes that your body is undergoing may help you express a newfound sensuality. The kinds of sexual touch you prefer may have changed but remember that the human body has countless erogenous areas, some of which you might not know about yet. Take the opportunity to discover different body areas: try light touches on the arms, brows, and knees. You might even like having your fingers or toes touched! A sensual massage or foot rub may be helpful in reconnecting with your partner. Recovering from soreness and discomfort from breastfeeding and maternal activities just may lead to new discoveries.

Get Moisturized

Breastfeeding coupled with the hormonal changes you experience can leave your pelvic tissue feeling dry, chaffed, and painful. Decreased estrogen levels cause this kind of irritation. It’s no fun but it is normal during breastfeeding. Dryness and irritation doesn’t mean you have to avoid sex. Vaginal moisture is decreased, but there are safe, hormone-free, and effective products on the market that can help. Just Like Me, Euforia Water-based lubricant, and Pure Pleasure are all good options if you’ve recently had a baby.

Get Sexual

Build sexual tension in your love life. When a new baby arrives, the routine changes— breastfeeding, baby gifts, and bonding may overshadow our partners. Get creative with the erotic journey to help remind your partner how special they are. Try a spontaneous quickie, sexting, or leaving a love note where you know they’ll find it. Plus, a nice romantic dinner at home is never a bad idea. Putting your baby on a schedule can also help you get guilt-free time away to help nurture your relationship.

Get Scheduled

Sometimes sex just needs to be on the books. The notion that sex itself may help boost your libido is an important concept. Some people are sexually reactive, meaning that when it comes to their sexual desire, they need their partner to demonstrate sexual interest in order to spark the mood. Having more sex may boost your desire for the sexual reward of hormonal release and emotional intimacy with your partner. Connect and caress. Spending some time on sensual massages and exploring new areas of pleasure may re-ignite that spark. Don’t be afraid to use scented body lotion or fragrant oils.

Get Adventurous

We are creatures of habit but even sex can become boring. Try to add excitement by incorporating things like vibrators into your play for a little excitement. Or, go bold with erotic elements like lingerie, blindfolds, silk ties, or even handcuffs. Novelty will boost and modify your hormones! Dopamine and norepinephrine are both increased with sexual dynamism which not only enhances sexual response but can also lead to increased feelings of closeness.

Get Mindful

Mindfulness allows us to remain focused with a non-judgmental accepting attitude.  Become consciously aware of your thoughts: the good pleasurable ones, as well those that maybe negative and self-defeating. Mindfulness allows you to remain in the present moment. Sometimes with a newborn, our lives seem to be spiraling out of control. With diapers, feeding schedules, crying and colic, it’s easy to get derailed. We become mind full. Not mindful.

Practicing mindful sex can enhance pleasure and bring the experience to a new level of excitement. Plan your sexual interlude when the baby is resting or between feedings. Interruptions should be at a minimum, so try to turn off the TV, put phones on silent, and lock the door. During sex, pay attention to how your body is reacting, enjoy the sensations, and relax. Focus on pleasure in every area of your body!

As a starting point, try to spend a few minutes each day reconnecting through deep, sensual kissing. The rest will follow. No matter what’s changed about your body or your relationship with your partner, you can reconnect with them and yourself with these tips. Try new things and rediscover your sensuality.

Michael Krychman
Michael L. Krychman, MDCM, is the Executive Director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine located in Newport Beach California. He is the former Co Director of The Sexual Medicine and Rehabilitation Program at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer. He also is a clinical sexologist and has completed his Masters in Public Health and Human Sexuality. Dr Krychman has a degree in Erotology, Sexual Education and Forensic Sexology. Dr Krychman is also an AASECT certified sexual counselor. He is an Associate Clinical Professor at the University of California Irvine, Division of Gynecological Oncology and the Medical Director of Ann’s Clinic, a high-risk program for Breast and Ovarian Cancer Survivors.

His special interests include menopausal health, hormone therapy, sexual pain disorders, and loss of libido, chronic medical illness and medical devices and their impact on female sexual function. He is a well-known speaker who is featured locally, nationally and internationally. He has published many articles in peer-reviewed journals and has been featured in many scientific journals and lay magazines. Dr Krychman is an active reviewer for the Journal of Sexual Medicine. He was the Scientific Chairman for the 2010 International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health annual educational meeting. He is an active member in good standing in North American Menopause (NAMS), International Society sexual Medicine (ISSM), European Society Sexual Medicine (ESSM), International Society Study of Women’s Sexual Health (ISSWSH), American Society of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). He was a member of the Standard Committee for ISSM and has been a guest professor at the ESSM Sexual Medicine Summer School in Oxford, England. He was the creator of the recent WISH Initiative (Women’ Initiative on Sexual Health: and the 2013 recipient of the WISH Outstanding Achievement award given by the ISSWSH. He is also on the professional advisory board for the Patty Brisben Foundation.

Dr. Krychman’s has published 7 books including his most recent one: The Sexual Spark, 20 Essential Exercises to Reignite the Passion, 100 Questions & Answers for Women Living with Cancer: A Practical Guide to Female Cancer Survivorship has been recently published, 100 Questions and Answers about Women’s Sexual Wellness and Vitality and Breast cancer Sexuality, Sensuality and Intimacy. He has been featured on the Today show and in the New York Times and US News and World Report World Report, The Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Health Magazine and many others. He was named one of Orange County Top Doctors for 2015 and 2016 in Menopause, Sexual Dysfunction and Vulvar Pain. In 2019 and again in 2020, he has been named an Orange County Physician of Excellence by Orange Coast Magazine in Survivorship, Sexual Medicine and Menopause.