So, how do gays enjoy sex?

Probably the biggest misconception is that there is such a thing as gay sex – or straight sex. You’re gay if you’re gay. The sex positions you choose to enjoy don’t determine your sexual orientation. Sex is just… sex. It’s gender inclusive. We are only limited by our imaginations and the labels we assign to different acts.

But you’re here for a reason. So, check out the below for examples of sex positions, roles, and what that can look like with different body and gender pairings.

Sex Types (that can be enjoyed by anyone)

Oral Sex v. Anal Sex

Even though lots of people immediately think of anal sex when thinking about cisgender (a person whose gender identity corresponds to their sex assigned at birth) gay men, oral sex may be the more popular sexual act. A study on gay and bisexual men found that 72.7% of the men surveyed engaged in oral sex at their last sexual event in comparison to only 37.2% who engaged in anal intercourse.

Anal sex can feel less spontaneous for several reasons. For one, anal sex requires that you have a lubricant handy. Anuses don’t self-lubricate so you want high quality and long-lasting lube. Second, prep for backdoor sex varies. Since poop comes through the rectum, it’s a good idea to make sure you’ve cleaned up the anus and immediate entrance. Also, stay away from any foods that’ll give you the runs or gas. Some people also choose to perform enemas/anal douching to clean out the area, but it’s recommended that you properly prepare and limit it to two to three times a week. Lastly, it can require more arousal, relaxation, and mental preparation to ready that area for safe and easy penetration, so other forms of sex, like oral sex and hand jobs, may be preferred.

Penetrative Sex Positions

Penetrative sex comes in all sorts of positions. Here are three examples and the mechanics involved.

Missionary

Missionary, where two people face one another and the person on top penetrates the person below them, can feel romantic and connected. There are lots of opportunities to stare into each other’s eyes and watch facial expressions.

Doggy Style

Traditionally, you’d think of one person being penetrated while on all fours by someone behind them. But don’t be limited to that angle! This position can work with the receiver anywhere, from flat back, like a yoga neutral tabletop, flattened torso with butt sticking up (think yoga position child’s pose or puppy), all the way to laying completely flat or flat with a pillow propping up the pelvic area.

Riding

One person lays down flat on their back while the person on top penetrates themselves with the other person’s penis, strap-on, etc. The person on top can face their partner’s face or ride backwards giving an excellent view of the butt.

There is an incredible number of variations you can make with any position. For example:

  1. Someone with a penis, strap-on, or toy can penetrate someone else’s anus, vagina, or mouth.
  2. Someone with a hand can penetrate someone else’s anus, vagina, or mouth.
  3. Someone with an anus or vagina can be penetrated.

Roles

Despite assumptions that there should be one masculine and one feminine partner, gay people don’t need to live by straight people standards (and neither do straight couples). There can be two masculine individuals, two feminine, two non-binary or any other mix (including adding additional partners) regardless of gender identities.

Tops/Bottoms

You may have heard the terms top and bottom before. These often refer to who is giving/receiving penetrative sex within gay male couples. But they are also used by other pairings to refer to who is generally more likely to take giving versus receiving rolls and/or take charge of the sexual encounter. These are helpful terms when seeking out sexually compatible partners because it indicates who is interested in doing what sexually (also useful for straight people!). Individuals may also identify as switches or versatile if they like to mix it up. While many dominants are tops and many submissives are bottoms, this is far from a rule so it’s best not to make assumptions.

There are no sex acts limited to gay men, lesbians, straight people, or anyone else. Sex acts can’t be gay, people can be. This means you can be a straight cis man who enjoys being penetrated by a female partner or a gay man (cis or trans) who doesn’t enjoy penetration at all.

Yael R. Rosenstock Gonzalez

Yael R. Rosenstock Gonzalez

Sex Educator, Researcher, Author, Speaker
Yael R Rosenstock Gonzalez is a sex educator, researcher, author, speaker, and curriculum developer. As a queer, polyamorous, white-presenting Nuyorican Jew, Yael has always been interested in understanding the multi-level experiences of individuals. This led her to found Kaleidoscope Vibrations, LLC, a company dedicated to supporting and creating spaces for individuals to explore and find community in their personal identities. Through her company, she facilitates workshops, develops curriculum, offers Identity Exploration Coaching, and publishes narratives often left out of mainstream publishing.

Yael has been engaged in workshop development and facilitation since she joined the New York Civil Liberties Union (NYCLU) as a teen peer reproductive rights educator at 15 years old. Since then, she has served as an educator with children ranging from 10 months old to adults in their 70s with different organizations and communities. In her work as first Program Coordinator, then Director of Programming, and finally Associate Director of the Center for Ethnic, Racial, and Religious Understanding, Yael developed and led events, workshops, and programs with an intersectionality lens.