It may come as no surprise that women who feel pressed for time don’t bother worrying about their own orgasms during sex.
According to research published in “The Journal of Sex Research,” the decision over whether or not to pursue an orgasm is based upon women’s assumptions around the “feasibility” of that orgasm. Is the sexual encounter destined to be a quick one? Is their partner generally selfish in bed? If the answers to both are yes, why bother trying?
Now, I’m of the mind that if your partner is selfish in bed, that’s a larger problem. I also find goal-oriented sex that’s focused on orgasm to be problematic for a number of reasons.
But I do believe you should still prioritize your own pleasure, even if the only time you have for sex is in the 15 minutes between that Zoom meeting you have every other Wednesday and school pickup.
How can you make the most of a quickie, ensuring you both have a good time?
Make a plan
We think of quickies has spontaneous bursts of passion… and they certainly can be. But what happens if you’re feeling horny as heck and, when you make a move, your partner is too frazzled to reciprocate? There’s nothing more frustrating than dashed expectations.
Consider this instead: As you’re caught up in the morning chaos of teeth brushing and showers and breakfasts and backpacks and getting your kid out the damn door, lean over to your partner and whisper, “Hey. You’re looking extra sexy today. How about we be sexy together later this afternoon. You available around 2 p.m.?”
Once your future sexytimes are established, you can use those next few hours to stew in anticipation.
It also doesn’t hurt to plan your outfit accordingly for easy access. Avoid the corset with the intricate lacing. Nobody’s got time for that! Forget your hard pants (are we still wearing those?) and opt instead for joggers or leggings that are easy to slide off.
When time is limited, you don’t want to waste any of it.
Leave your distractions behind
Power down your laptop. Put your phone on silent. Hell, leave it in the other room. Find a spot where you can avoid all the usual distractions (that pile of clean laundry you never put away and those dishes in the sink) and allow yourself to be fully in this (very brief) moment.
Don’t forget the lubricant
My spouse likes to indicate his desire for sex in the evenings by grabbing the bottle of lube we keep under the bathroom sink and placing it prominently on his nightstand, where I can’t help but notice it.
Yes. The romance levels in my home are off the charts.
Anyway. While I feel that personal lubricants are always useful, they’re especially important when you’re having a quickie—even more so if penetration is in the cards—because there’s just not as much time to work on cultivating arousal.
Sure, your head is in the game. But it can sometimes take a while to get those natural juices flowing. So be sure to have lube on hand before you get busy.
Think outside the box (the “box” being your vagina)
Make time for outercourse. Or make it all about the outercourse. When time is limited, it may not make sense to have penetrative sex. Instead, the better goal may be to connect with each other via a hot and heavy makeout session. Or focus on those other activities that bring you the most pleasure, like oral sex, digital stimulation, or other forms of erotic touch.
Optimize your sex positions
If you do want to have penetrative sex, know that this is not necessarily the time for sprawling out across your bed, entangling yourself in the bedsheets, and maybe never getting up again (Inertia!).
Some sex positions really do lend themselves to a good quickie. Have the receiving partner hike up their skirt as they bend over the arm of the sofa while the other one takes them from behind. Or have the penetrating partner sit on a chair while the receiving partner straddles them. Think quick and dirty… so quick and dirty you never made it to the bedroom at all.
If you do want that orgasm, try a sex toy.
My favorite vibrator is called Opening Act, and it really does help me cross the finish line. There’s no shame in incorporating sex toys into your partner play, especially as they can more quickly and efficiently get you that orgasm you’ve been craving.
Check out this previous piece of mine for more tips in using toys with your partner.