Picture this. It’s late. Your partner rolls over, slides an arm around you, and says those three little words: “Let’s have sex.” And, of course, you don’t want to because you’ve danced this dance before. The whole thing bookends with questions. “Let’s have sex” is the first one and “Did you come?” is the last. It’s not exactly the sexiest way to get in the mood.

Note on Descriptors: For the purposes of this article, “we” or “us” as well as “you,” “your,” or “yours” etc. nods to the writer, individuals, and/or the reader as vulva-owning people while “your partner,” “them,” or “their” nods to a sexual partner performing penetration with a penis and/or sex toy.

It’s possible you need to retcon. Maybe you’ve been catering more to your partner vs focusing on things you like. If you’re not sure what you like, get curious. Wherever you’re falling on the underwhelmed spectrum, my suggestion is effective but simple: get on top. Before you roll your eyes, let’s do a quick review on some cowgirl position pros.

  • You pick the moves. If you’re not in the mood for endless (and sometimes tiring, let’s be real) up and down action, you can switch things up with grinding and new moves. More on those moves soon.
  • You get the view. Your first thought might be about being on full display for your partner but don’t forget, you can see them too. Have them lay back so you can enjoy the show below or have them sit up to make to even more sensual with a lotus position.
  • You set the pace. Since you’re picking the moves, you also get to pick how many i.e., take it slow and drive your partner crazy or pick up the pace when you’re feeling good. As Lizzo puts it, us thick b*tches love some tempo, and it’s true.

The Moves

Pelvic Tilts

If you’ve never heard of these before, they’re front to back motions that tilt your pelvis. To do it, tilt your hips/pelvis back towards your spine; your back will arch out. Then relax and let your pelvic naturally tilt forward again. (A video here for all you visual learners.)

During penetrative sex, this move helps stimulate different areas of what’s known as the clitoral network (or “clitoral complex”). In a nutshell, what we know as the G-spot, clitoris (glans), etc. are part of a complex internal area that, you guessed it, has everything to do with arousal and orgasms.

tl;dr this move brings the kind of internal stimulation that helps bring you to orgasm. To add even more dimension, use this move and a c-ring for simultaneous internal and external clitoral network stimulation.

Pelvic Circles

Another move you can try gets your hips fully into the action. (A second video here!) To do it, sit up (you don’t have to have flawless posture but don’t slouch!) and move your hips in small circles. Variations are all you. Change directions occasionally, with every new circle, or whenever it feels good! As a variation on this move, you can also try spelling with your hips to see if you’d like more letters besides “O” in your hip-swiveling story.

tl;dr this move means also means the kind of internal stimulation that helps bring you to orgasm but with a little more visual interest. You’ll feel like sex goddess and drive your partner crazy making them watch. Win-win.

Got all that? Good. We hope our info helped get some creativity going! It’s never a bad idea to experiment with new or even tried-and-true moves in the bedroom, especially if it means more pleasure for you. We’ve been in the women’s sexual wellness game since 1993, so we’re all about what helps close the orgasm gap and makes you feel like the powerful and sexy individual you are. You deserve it.

Serena Clement

Serena Clement

Serena Clement (she/her/hers) is a Senior Writer at Pure Romance and an aficionado of all things sextech. As a queer BIPOC with a B.A. in English and Minor in Creative Writing, Serena is a fresh, no-nonsense voice in the world of sexuality and wellness. In and out of the office, her interests include crafting engaging copy, celebrating diversity, and up-and-coming sex technology. Her years-long background in both product development and copywriting gives her a unique lens for her career at Pure Romance. And, when not at work on upcoming products, Serena spends time scribbling flash fiction or cozying up on her couch with the latest RPG.