Unleash Your Inner Brat
BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism. Within this umbrella term/community, there are a multitude of roles within power dynamics that you can play with. A particularly fun role is that of the mischievous brat. In this guide, we’ll cover ways to unleash your inner brat and how to navigate this dynamic while maintaining respect, communication, and consent.
What’s a Brat?
A type of submissive (sub) role within BDSM that enjoys pushing buttons. Unlike a non-brat sub who seeks to serve and please, a brat enjoys being insolent or annoying. A brat uses these less-than-stellar behaviors to get the attention of their Dominant (Dom)/Tamer, often in the form of punishment – thereby playing with the standard Dom/sub role power roles.
Finding a Tamer/Dom
Not every Dom will be a good match. It’s important to find someone who enjoys the playfulness of a brat and is interested in taming, rather than being served or regularly obeyed. Even when you find a Tamer/Dom, like with any dynamic, you’ll need to have conversations about desires, needs, boundaries, expectations, etc., to see if you are compatible.
Creating the Dynamic
There is a lot that goes into creating and maintaining a consensual and mutually enjoyable Dom/sub relationship and the Dom/brat relationship is no exception. Whether you are interested in playing out a BDSM scene (an interaction that spans over a particular time and place) or living that 24/7 Dom/brat life (where this is how you live your day-to-day life), keep reading for some tips.
Communication & Consent
Resistance, playfulness, and insolence are part of the game for a brat which means that brats might resist, or feign resistance to, what they are asked to do or how they are expected to behave. This can be a form of consensual non-consent (CNC), which requires significant communication prior to beginning to make sure that everyone involved is clear about the parameters of play as well as the safe words or actions if something begins to move beyond one’s limits. Both the Dom and the brat need to consent to the dynamic. For example, the Dom can consent to not always being listened to/heeded and the brat can consent to being disciplined, tamed, or “forced” into submission as a result of not listening to their Dom (which differs from a sub who is eager to fulfill a Dom’s commands). This prior consent then allows a dynamic where something seemingly nonconsensual can consensually play out.
Discipline & Punishment
The types of discipline and punishment that can be enacted in different scenarios are part of the communication and consent process. Brats misbehave in order to get attention and inspire a reaction from their Doms, sometimes in the form of punishment. Therefore, a brat that is seeking out or craving punishment will take actions to lead their Dom to punish them. In order to maintain the feeling that is associated with it being a punishment, the brat might resist, cry, plead, or beg not to be punished, even though they sought it out, in order to experience the Dom taming or forcing them into submission.
Therefore, it can be useful to come up with specifics about what discipline and punishment look like to guarantee that the dynamic feels satisfying for all those involved. This might include what “punishments” feel fun, light, and pleasurable, which are used for light discipline, and which are used for stronger correction or discipline when a brat does something particularly egregious. You don’t need to create a menu or rule book, but you should have a general idea of what different levels look like with clearly expressed ways for ensuring that limits are not passed.
It should also include what a Dom is and isn’t willing to do and what kinds of behaviors are acceptable push-back and which aren’t.
Examples of behavior that might lead to punishment
- Annoying one’s Dom while they are working
- Speaking rudely to one’s Dom or towards others
- Not doing chores that were agreed upon
- Engaging in behavior a brat agreed to curb (online shopping, binge TV watching, etc.)
Aftercare describes how one handles post-scene or post discipline/punishment scenarios to take care of everyone’s emotional and physical needs. This can include rubbing lotion on red skin, massaging sore muscles, cuddling, check-ins, hydrating, eating, and more. Especially if your Dom/brat dynamic includes CNC, it’s important to include check-ins during aftercare that allow everyone to process experiences that could have appeared nonconsensual.
Being a brat can be a lot of fun for the right personalities and lead to exciting and novel experiences – a great way to keep a high level of eroticism in your life. Let us know if you have any questions!