Take it from a single who’s trying to mingle, your sex life sometimes feels like a mixed bag. Either you’re taking things into your own hands (literally), hoping your FWB is free, or praying that Pure app match really is as good with their tongue as they claim – it can feel like the difference between a guarantee you’ll get yours vs a chance at it. So, how do you have a good sex life? What’s the big single life secret? Two words: do you.

Let me explain.

The secret lies in you, more specifically, what you find pleasurable. Instead of putting the spotlight on partners (unless that’s legit your kink), turn the spotlight your way and explore your desires, preferences, and fantasies. Going all out on self-discovery is the key to unlocking a vibrant and sex life as a single.

Because that’s the thing. If you don’t really know what you like, how can you nudge a partner in the right direction?

On a similar note, if you’ve tried a lot and feel like you’re at a loss, start locking it in. I’m saying start a sex journal and think about both your best and worst encounters, so you know what to revisit, and what not to. That Tinder date that did that crazy thing with their fingers? Circle back and explore.

But what if you already know what you like, no journal needed? Congrats, you get the advanced level homework here. And what’s the assignment? Don’t hesitate. Bring up a toy or technique you want to try in a convo with a partner, update your app profile with an allusion to a kink you’re into. (I would say just list it out explicitly but some apps sensor words in certain spots so YMMV.)

But I don’t want to hurt their feelings! No excuses, let’s talk about how to talk to a partner about what you want in bed.

Don’t ruin the moment.
Consider what the tone of your relationship is with the partner you have in mind. Do they love surprises? Spring the thought on them whenever feels good. Do they like to marinate in an idea first? Float it over text and invite them to share thoughts later.

Don’t get impatient.
You told them and the two of you gave it a go, but it didn’t out as great as it could be. Maybe third time’s the charm so frame it positively i.e. “It felt really good when you _____. Can we try it again and add _____?”

Don’t go on the attack.
So you’re thinking they might get defensive and what to do about it. I suggest not necessarily backing off, because then you’ve created a situation where neither of you feel good about moving forward. Instead, if they get defensive, approach in an understanding way. “How are you feeling when I mentioned that. Is there a different way I can say it or approach it…?”

In conclusion, the secret to a sex life that serves you when you’re single is, well, you! Take the time to understand and appreciate your own desires, both physically and emotionally. By embracing self-discovery and being unapologetically you, you pave the way for a solo sex life that is not only satisfying but also a celebration of your individuality.

Tags : sex life
Serena Clement

Serena Clement

Serena Clement (she/her/hers) is a Senior Writer at Pure Romance and an aficionado of all things sextech. As a queer BIPOC with a B.A. in English and Minor in Creative Writing, Serena is a fresh, no-nonsense voice in the world of sexuality and wellness. In and out of the office, her interests include crafting engaging copy, celebrating diversity, and up-and-coming sex technology. Her years-long background in both product development and copywriting gives her a unique lens for her career at Pure Romance. And, when not at work on upcoming products, Serena spends time scribbling flash fiction or cozying up on her couch with the latest RPG.